She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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