I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
