the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
