I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We have started to decorate penises.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
