Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
