You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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