Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
