you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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