I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
