I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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