so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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