Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
