I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I wish i was in the wii world.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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