She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
