Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
