omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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