you guys were way drunker than both of me
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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