my phone cant type all the emotion im having
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
