the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
