Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
