My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
