you guys were way drunker than both of me
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
