Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
