if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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