so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
