i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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