i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
