Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
