Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
