Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Barsexuality is the new black.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
