Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
