he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
