We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
