I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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