i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
