The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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