Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
