Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
