Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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