Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Is Oprah even human
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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