These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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