I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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