those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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