i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
