You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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