Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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