I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
