At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
