Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
