So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
